I have always been a bit “different” from the “norm”, since I was a child this has been my truth.  As a child there was a feeling of greatness that came with feeling more than ordinary.  As I aged the feeling of being more than ordinary started to feel less special and more awkward.  This is my story on how I moved through the journey to my life quest…… A quest beyond the limits of the ordinary.  As I move through life in my 30’s and before I know it into my 40’s I find life is always moving in circular movement, back to my intuitive and knowing self ultimately.  The lessons are coming full force and full circle these days and my memories or shall I say intuitive feelings from childhood are popping up each and every day.  These memories or intuitive feelings are unique to me in that they are not, I remember riding that red bike, or I remember that pony I had or what I got for Christmas.  The intuitive feeling I am having often these days are of a completely different nature.  I remember the feeling of exhilaration racing through my heart while riding that red bike (actually the memory was on a big wheel J), I not only remember the pony, but I remember laying in the stall with the fist little baby pony we had, touching her soft little hooves and looking into her eyes with her long eyelashes…..and feeling great, deep and unconditional love for the first time outside of my family.  I remember the feeling of responsibility and the pure instinct of I being her caregiver and I remember the feeling that I would not let her down.  I have often wondered why my memories of childhood, early childhood that is were so lacking and I think probably because they were too intense for my brain at that time, these days the intuitive feelings and a connect the dots type feeling flood my head, in a good way.  My memories are shooting back and I am beginning to have a clearer and distinct vision of who I was at almost every age and who I am now is responding to those memories as I often need the reminder to move closer back home, to my intuitive self.  I was a very instinctual and intuitive child, I’m not so sure even my parents understood this side of me even then and certainly my mother had no clue, my father probably did but he was distracted by so much in life back then to pay too much attention to things that were this deep.  As I aged I lost my grip on my intuitive nature, not as much as most do and did but I can see in retrospect where I lost it and why.  Most if happened after adolescence. 

I believe I was lucky going through puberty as a child in Central America in some ways, yes there were times like the time when my father brought me to a mall in San Jose Costa Rica and tried to tell the ladies in his awful Spanish about how his niňa needed a “brazeero, or how crappy it felt to not be able to swim in the ocean with my brothers on the days when I was….menstruating and how there were not many people I could talk too about all of that girl stuff! But back to the part that was about how lucky I was being an adolescent in Central America, I missed out on all the bullshit that the typical American teen goes through and I find that time of life to be pivotal in the sense of hanging onto your intuitive nature and even your innocence in a sense.  My life in those days was about, waking up, doing our own laundry, feeding ourselves, going to the beach, doing (maybe) a little schoolwork and pretty much just having fun; snorkeling, hiking, discovering, swimming, fishing, climbing trees, eating tropical fruits and learning and discovering a new culture each and every day.  What was important for us were the basics, nothing more, nothing less.  I never got to experience the life of a teenager in the US, I got back to the US and attending high school as a sophomore and by then I think I was “slow” to catch on to all of it.  Baffled by all that was important, clothes, music, who’s cool and pretty much nothing important I chose to move into sports and kept pretty much out of trouble and out of influence of anything like the others were going through.  Didn’t really have boyfriends and thought most of the bickering, back stabbing and the rest of the topics most common in the realm of the girls was quite stupid.  I had many friends and most my friends were scattered through all realms of the high school hierarchy, I was voted class clown and I believe that is how I managed through the process, with humor as my answer to a lack of understanding of what was really happening.  My instincts and intuitive nature were dissipating at this point and I was starting to like everybody else, look to society for the answers that used to be filled by my intuitive self, now certainly I think I fought the urge hard but in retrospect, I could have done much better.  College was the same for me, a bit more losing of myself, but certainly not even close to the way others around me lost themselves through that shuffle. I continued to make unique choices in my life in high school and college, choices that I didn’t know were part of my quest that would continue to take me beyond the limits of ordinary.  So certainly there were major intuitive forces at play, but I certainly was not connecting with them as wholey as I should have been.  As I moved past college and into a “regular life” I was still making unique choices and as I moved into adult life I began to have some doubts in my abilities, mainly I believe now because I was exposed to naysayers, non believers and well ordinary people who could not think about a journey past that and therefore couldn’t fathom someone who could. 

I belive one of my main struggles of my late twenties and early thirties was this fight to hand onto the belief in the completeness of who I was and that my abilities were infinite.  I mean I could always feel this power within myself but the forces of this world they are strong and powerful and there is always someone trying, even unconsciously to disconnect those on the quest past ordinary.  I have been a fighter since early one, those who know me are laughing for sure at this very minute as my words are for sure an UNDERSTATMENT, but truth be told at least part of my fight has been trying to keep a solid lockdown grip on my intuitive self in a world created by man and marketing wants to take it from me.  As I have aged this idea of being comfortable in your own skin has started to take shape in my own life and beliefs and what it means to me is really coming home to that intuitive self again, not having to hold onto it and knowing how to hold onto it in those important moments as life does and will present to me!  Today I have a complete belief in myself and my abilities and a deep understanding of how that belief plays out in the world in which I live in.  I understand what I need to do to continue to hold onto that closeness with my instincts and intuitive self and I know how to monitor myself and I know that by continuing to be positive about life and all that it entails is partly how I can hold onto my intuitive self.  Another part is to continue to do as I have since I was a child and that is to dream big.  Lack of big dreaming is not a problem I ever had, since I was little big dreaming has been a way of life for me and I to this day believe in every single one of my dreams and in a weird way all have come true and those that have not are still pending and will happen. 

There are many people out there (most are not aware of it) that HATE the dreamers of the world and those on a quest beyond the limits of ordinary.  I guess the irony is that I have always to some extent felt sorry for those folks and not angry as much, but it has been painful having so many of them around me and it has been quite a struggle for me, in some ways it would have been easier to hate and move away from those who didn’t understand me, but I am grateful for trying to deal with them in and as part of my life and my journey.  It is quite an impossible feat to shed one’s life of all the doubters and in many cases there are important lessons to be learned both ways. I do believe that it is the self doubt in people that causes them to be negative disbelievers in others.  I was listening to the radio recently and heard the head coach of the NY Jets speaking, Rex Ryan and he was basically talking about how life and the field are the same to him, he puts all passion into it and there are in his life many, many doubters, haters and naysayers, as a dyslexic kid he faced a life where he always felt different, he was probably different in general but I see the point of the negative in his description, anyhow through it all he says he overcame all of it by continuing to learn from the mistakes he made, being genuine and honest (which to me means being connected to one’s self) and by being passionate at everything.  I’m not a football person (although my first haircut did occur by my brother and tin snips, while my father was watching eight televisions with simultaneous football games instead of watching my brother and I) but hearing the Jets coach was a reminder to me that there are so many teachers in life and we just have to be open and listen.  Lately like my memories of childhood instinct bursting back, instances of teachers coming into my life in all forms are rampant.

Like the story of Alex Stupak, which came across my facebook page just as many things do, but this one struck a cord with me and was in a way a teacher or a reminder of how living with passion and living a quest beyond the limits of ordinary is not easy and comes with many road blocks but it is important to keep connected to your source for your own decision of what being passionate means and for your own decision of what path that entails and basically that means saying fuck you to all naysayers and the doubters.  And by fuck you I basically mean remembering that their opinions don’t matter and most of the time the doubters and the naysayers are those who are not on the quest beyond the limits of ordinary and it is a fear of the extraordinary that is the real issue at hand.  The story of Alex was a great one and I am so glad to have come across this story and hope to one day meet him and say thanks.  His story is unique as he was already on the quest beyond the limits of ordinary in the minds of the world, but in his mind and in his heart he was not so he moved and shifted his life until he was and that to me is amazing and a great source of inspiration.

Shedding my own life of doubters has been more difficult as I have gotten older and especially since I have begin to rely on others in business and general commerce.  I have gone through bouts of trying to convince others of what was inside of me and I’m not proud of those times but I have learned a great deal from those times and my quest beyond the journey of ordinary feels more rewarding knowing all that I have learned along the way.  I feel good that in the end I have been able to hang on to my intuitive self and my instincts.  I have of recent begin to remove the clutter from my life both physically and mentally and it has given me new power and that has given me greater access to a more advanced set of teachers and influences as well as a greater recognition of the happiness I already have in me.  Reach beyond the ordinary, it’s not complicated.

Begin to move towards happiness and it will begin to move towards you!